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Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
DJ Pauly D: Jersey Shore Spinoff
He?s become a household name thanks to his MTV reality gig, and now DJ Pauly D is rumored to be getting his own show.
The ?Jersey Shore? character is said to have a name and concept already in the works and the gig is being shopped around Tinseltown currently.
According to one source, the program will be ?deejay-related? and will follow Pauly as he plays gigs around the country.
Additionally, there?s been plenty of chatter about Nicole ?Snooki? Polizzi and Jenni ?JWoww? Farley getting their own shows, too!
The ?Jersey Shore? character is said to have a name and concept already in the works and the gig is being shopped around Tinseltown currently.
According to one source, the program will be ?deejay-related? and will follow Pauly as he plays gigs around the country.
Additionally, there?s been plenty of chatter about Nicole ?Snooki? Polizzi and Jenni ?JWoww? Farley getting their own shows, too!
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Charmed actors out and about!
Gearing up for another day of work, Alyssa Milano was spotted on the set of her Lifetime movie “Sundays at Tiffany’s” yesterday (September 23).The “Who’s the Boss” actress looked comfortable in a pair of pajamas teamed with a pair of tan UGG boots as she made her way around the Toronto set.Holly Marie Combs out on September 6th, 2010.Shannen Doherty leaving Nobu Restaurant on September 16th, 2010.Rose McGowan buying flowers on September 11th, 2010.Julian McMahon at a movie premiere on Wednesday.Source 1Source 2Source 3Source 4Source 5Tried to find recent pictures of Brian and Drew, but there weren't any.
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No, seriously, what the hell?
Oh what the fuck, people. I'm gonna be honest with you, I do porn and even I'm just at a complete loss about this one. Lindsay Lohan is being offered $50,000 by a fetish website to do ... balloon porn. Seriously. Fully-clothed. No sex. Just come in, pop balloons, leave $50,000 richer. LOL WUT
A rep for Clips4Sale.com tells TMZ they sent the offer to Lindsay's lawyer -- if LiLo comes in and pops a few balloons -- on camera of course -- she'll leave $50,000 richer. No nudity. No whips. No chains. Confused? TMZ spoke to several balloon-popping enthusiasts who tell us the rush comes from "the feeling of fear associated with a balloon that may pop at any second." Who knew? SOURCE
... I have nothing to say about this. I'm just going to sit in my darkened apartment while I drink a bottle of vodka and listen to Pink Floyd's The Dark Side Of The Moon. God is dead.
A rep for Clips4Sale.com tells TMZ they sent the offer to Lindsay's lawyer -- if LiLo comes in and pops a few balloons -- on camera of course -- she'll leave $50,000 richer. No nudity. No whips. No chains. Confused? TMZ spoke to several balloon-popping enthusiasts who tell us the rush comes from "the feeling of fear associated with a balloon that may pop at any second." Who knew? SOURCE
... I have nothing to say about this. I'm just going to sit in my darkened apartment while I drink a bottle of vodka and listen to Pink Floyd's The Dark Side Of The Moon. God is dead.
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Eva and Demi: Padres Contra El Cancer Chicks
Stepping out for a good cause, Eva Longoria and Demi Lovato were spotted at the 25th Annual Padres Contra El Cancer Gala in Hollywood last night (September 23).
The ?Desperate Housewives? actress and the ?Sonny with a Chance? chick both looked lovely as they posed for the paparazzi outside the Hollywood Palladium.
The Padres Contra El Cancer is an organization that works to improve the quality of life for Hispanic children with cancer.
Eva is the spokesperson for the charity, and Demi has become very involved thanks to her Twitter pal, Miss Longoria.
The ?Desperate Housewives? actress and the ?Sonny with a Chance? chick both looked lovely as they posed for the paparazzi outside the Hollywood Palladium.
The Padres Contra El Cancer is an organization that works to improve the quality of life for Hispanic children with cancer.
Eva is the spokesperson for the charity, and Demi has become very involved thanks to her Twitter pal, Miss Longoria.
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Wissam Al Mana Pays Janet Jackson's Bills
Wissam al Mana is Janet Jackson's wealthy new boyfriend. Wissam, 35, is the managing director of luxury corporate group Al Mana Retain and he has homes all over the world. Janet and Wissam met in December and began dating in May. They were recently spotted having dinner together in New York City. “Janet was glowing. They had a corner table and were very cuddly. They seemed very much in love. Wissam picked up the check, and when asked if they’d be back next week, they said they were flying to Paris for Fashion Week.” Wissam can afford to pay for things cause he's a billionaire. Janet and Wissam spent weeks in Italy over the summer and her friends credit him for helping her cope with her brother's untimely passing. Wissam is also a shareholder in Saks Fifth Avenue stores in Dubai, Doha, Bahrain and Kuwait. I love how reporters give up all the unnecessary details on why Wissam is a good catch. You take one look at him and you can see that he's twice as tall and good looking as Jermaine. Get it gurl! DO WISSAM AND JANET MAKE A HOT COUPLE?
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More Heidi Montag- Steri Strips on Her Nose?
She just keeps looking for attention. Radaronline.com has posted several photos of Heidi Montag in Costa Rica, with her face looking oddly normal except for steri strips on her nose. According to a Life and Style press release: "The last time I didn't wear tape after surgery and my nose changed shape," she explains. "The tape is supposed to keep the swelling down and hold my nose in place the way Dr. Ryan sculpted it. Dr. Ryan always said I was his best, most cautious patient, and I'm not taking any chances now that he's gone. I don't want my face to fall off like Michael Jackson's." That's not quite true. Some surgeons place steri strips on the nose for months as a way to reduce swelling. I prefer to take them off at one week, because no one wants to walk around with tape on their nose if they can help it. Unless you're Heidi Montag, I suppose, and are looking for any attention you can get! Thanks for reading.Michigan-based Plastic SurgeonAnthony Youn, M.D.Share
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Thursday, September 23, 2010
OMG, It's Purrrr-adise: Caboodle Ranch
With 650 free-roaming catties and a giant village of cat-size buildings including a kitty Wal-Mart, the Caboodle Ranch in Madison, Florida, is Disney World for stray cats! (Although, honestly, cat Wal-Mart? Maybe the cats are boycotting Target too...)
[via The Awl]
[via The Awl]
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Fans Will Be Protesting Friday Outside Atlantic Records for New Lupe Fiasco Album
Lupe Fiasco has announced that he will be joining his fans for a protest against his record label which is scheduled to take place on October 15.Dubbed "Fiasco Friday," the demonstration will take place outside of Atlantic Records' New York offices in an attempt to speed up the release of Lupe's highly-anticipated new album, 'Lasers.' Lupe revealed that 'Lasers' was finished back in early July, but the album, his third, has yet to receive a release date. "It's one of the sadder parts of being on a major record label. At a certain point it's out of your hands," Lupe said. "About a date for 'Lasers,' it's truly on them. I have no idea what they're going to do."News of the protest spread among Lupe fans on Twitter and Facebook, and Lupe has confirmed via Twitter that he will be in attendance as well. Additionally, an online petition went into circulation on July 21, 2010, and has accrued close to 30,000 signatures by Lupe fans hoping to see the album's release. Also, there's a website about the protest. Here's the link http://www.fiascofriday.com/SourceAlso, Lupe Fiasco has been tweeting about the "fiasco"His Twitter
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Disappointing: Waltz, Winslet and Jodie Foster work with Polanski
EXCLUSIVE: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds) and Matt Dillon (Crash) will play their husbands in Polanski?s adaptation of Yasmina Reza?s Tony-winning play. Shooting begins in Paris in February for 12 weeks. Although the film is set in Brooklyn, Polanski?s legal troubles mean that he has to shoot in France. The Academy Award-winning director cannot enter the US due to allegations a conviction against him for unlawful sexual conduct with a minor in 1977. The film is being co-produced by French producer SBS and Constantin Film of Germany. Said Ben Said of SBS recently produced Reza?s feature directing debut Chicas, which starred Polanski?s wife Emmanuelle Seigner. Jeff Berg of ICM has been packaging the project since Reza first disclosed she was adapting her play with the Academy Award-winning director this summer. I?m told that Pathe and UGC are both vying to be French distributor. God of Carnage tells the story of two sets of parents who meet after their sons are involved in a schoolyard fight. The meeting goes disastrously wrong as each pair attacks the other?s parenting skills before turning on each other about problems in their own marriages. The show ran for 452 performances on Broadway before closing in June. James Gandolfini, Marcia Gay Harden, Jeff Daniels and Hope Davis originally starred. God of Carnage won three Tony awards, including Best Play.Source
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Sunday, September 19, 2010
Kim Kardashian might be with child!
Oh goddammit, who allowed this woman to reproduce? Well, it had to happen eventually: Kim Kardashian is dropping hints that she might be pregnant, which would mean that she's finally figured out how to have sex without a camcorder present. I wonder if she knows that, to conceive, you have to do more than let him just piss on you?
Is Kim Kardashian tweeting for two? As reported in the latest issue of Life & Style, Kim's been unusually fatigued, had cravings and sporting a noticeably bumpier figure. She was spotted buying three Clearblue pregnancy tests at Boots pharmacy in London on Sept. 12, and signs that the reality star could be expecting keep popping up on her Twitter page ... READ MORE
Yeah, considering these hints include the fact that she can't sleep, she's over-eating and that she cried watching Shrek doesn't really prove much of anything, other than the fact that ice cream is delicious and that Kim has the cinematic tastes of a six-year-old girl. Oh, and that she's a total famewhore and probably isn't above feeding rumours if it means a little more face time on TMZ. Well played, Giant Disembodied Ass. Well played.
TV personalities Kim Kardashian and her mother manager Kris Jenner have been taking on the sights in Paris, France for the past week. Kim and Kris stopped off at Ben And Jerry's ice cream shop for a sweet treat on September 15, 2010 before returning to their hotel.
PHOTOS | FAME PICTURES
Is Kim Kardashian tweeting for two? As reported in the latest issue of Life & Style, Kim's been unusually fatigued, had cravings and sporting a noticeably bumpier figure. She was spotted buying three Clearblue pregnancy tests at Boots pharmacy in London on Sept. 12, and signs that the reality star could be expecting keep popping up on her Twitter page ... READ MORE
Yeah, considering these hints include the fact that she can't sleep, she's over-eating and that she cried watching Shrek doesn't really prove much of anything, other than the fact that ice cream is delicious and that Kim has the cinematic tastes of a six-year-old girl. Oh, and that she's a total famewhore and probably isn't above feeding rumours if it means a little more face time on TMZ. Well played, Giant Disembodied Ass. Well played.
TV personalities Kim Kardashian and her mother manager Kris Jenner have been taking on the sights in Paris, France for the past week. Kim and Kris stopped off at Ben And Jerry's ice cream shop for a sweet treat on September 15, 2010 before returning to their hotel.
PHOTOS | FAME PICTURES
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Lindsay's Failed Tests Could Derail Upcoming Film
Sources close to the production of Lindsay Lohan's next project tell TMZ her latest slip-up could throw the movie into serious financial turmoil. Lindsay is set to star in "Inferno," a biopic about porn star Linda Lovelace. As we previously reported, one of the things Judge Elden Fox can do in light of her recent failed drug tests is restrict Lindsay's travel -- and "Inferno" is set to shoot in Louisiana. A source close to the film tells us shooting the picture in Los Angeles instead of Louisiana "would radically change the budget" and force producers to try and secure additional financing. We're told the producers might be less inclined to make certain sacrifices for LiLo -- the film's top people are "beyond irritated by the recent developments" and "there is a concern of her commitment to the work."Looks like a lot of people have a lot riding on whatever Judge Fox decides.SOURCE
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Thursday, September 16, 2010
Kim Kardashian Gets Botox! And Has A Bad Reaction Afterwards!
Kim Kardashian has allowed the E! cameras to follow her on an appointment to get Botox. While the procedure appears to go well, she unfortunately suffers from a reaction while at a restaurant afterwards. What could this be from?There are many possibilities. She could be allergic to the Botox although this is very rare. In fact, my office treats at least 50 Botox or Dysport patients each month, and I've never seen an actual allergic reaction. It could also be due to bruising and swelling causing her discomfort. Finally, and the most likely, maybe she's just a drama queen.Thanks for reading.Michigan-based Plastic SurgeonAnthony Youn, M.D. Share
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Julia Roberts - Hindu, No Botox, But Maybe Nose Job?
Popeater is reporting that my favorite actress Julia Roberts has revealed that she is a "practicing Hindu" and is against Botox injections. According to the site:"It's unfortunate that we live in such a panicked, dysmorphic society where women don't even give themselves a chance to see what they'll look like as older persons," the 'Eat Pray Love' star tells Elle in its September issue. "I want to have some idea of what I'll look like before I start cleaning the slates."That sounds a bit excessive. Someone should tell her that Botox is temporary, is performed on hundreds of thousands of men too, and doesn't typically alter one's appearance in a major way. This is unlike a rhinoplasty, which I believe she may have had done.Thanks for reading.Michigan-based Plastic SurgeonAnthony Youn, M.D. Share
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Heidi Montag Wants Her Implants Out!
The drama regarding this silly woman continues on and on. In the recent issue of Life and Style Weekly, Heidi Montag claims that she is looking to South American plastic surgeons to remove her 700 cc Size G breast implants. According to the article:"I'm desperate to go back to normal," she confides to Life & Style. "I'm downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D."More than nine months after she went under the knife on Nov. 20, Heidi says she is still in severe pain and her body has not gotten used to the over the top boob job. "I have major anxiety about it. I was taking painkillers but they weren't working so I stopped. It hurt either way,"Besides being unable to hug her four dogs or wear anything but custom-made clothing, "I'm obsessed with fitness but it's impossible to work out with these boobs," she says. "It's heartbreaking. I can't live an everyday life." And while Heidi tells Life & Style she is currently shopping for a surgeon in South America, she worries that she'll be trapped in this cartoonish body forever after the untimely passing of her confidant Dr. Ryan. "I feel trapped in my own body," Heidi tells Life & Style."There's just no fixing it," she says. "Dr. Ryan knows the work he did, he knows everything." While I am sure Dr. Ryan was a fabulous plastic surgeon, there are thousands of plastic surgeons who can downsize breast implants successfully. Instead of travelling to South America, maybe she should see a plastic surgeon in the States and spend a few bucks on a shrink. Putting in 700cc implants was probably a mistake in the first place. In the past six years I've put implants this size into a small number of people, and none of them had the tiny frame of Heidi Montag. Source Thanks for reading.Michigan-based Plastic SurgeonAnthony Youn, M.D.Share
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Pop Nosh: The workout video queen of the 80s is back!
† Jane Fonda looks amazing! She's back in a leotard and working out at age 72! Gawker
† David Beckham gave fans a thrill by going shirtless on the sidelines! PopSugar
† Does Lady Gaga represent 'the exhausted end of the sexual revolution'? Cele|bitchy
† A Seriously Random List: Celebrating the eight best cheerleaders in film! Pajiba
† A done deal: Jennifer Lopez will be on American Idol! In Case You Didn't Know
† An update on the recent feud between blogger Nick and Tila Tequila Celebslam
† Taylor Swift and Kanye West met backstage at the Video Music Awards Idolator
† The Veal Deal: Lady Gaga explained her meat dress to Ellen Degeneres Socialite Life
† Find out how Gerard Depardieu helped give Robert De Niro a boner! Dlisted
† Oprah gave her entire audience a trip to Australia for eight days! PopEater
† Christina Aguilera was flashing her curves (but not at the VMAs) Hollywood Tuna
† I'm going to watch Hawaii Five-O because of hottie Alex O'Loughlin! L.A. Rag Mag
† Jersey Shore star Snooki debuted her new bang hairstyle Seriously? OMG! WTF?
† Is it too soon for Lindsay Lohan to be poking fun at herself in public? Evil Beet
† Hottest guy on the VMAs red carpet: Joe Manganiello from True Blood! Oh La La
† It's totally time for hottie Christian Bale to get himself a haircut! Hollywood Rag
† Courtney Love attempted to cover Lady Gaga's Bad Romance ... Celebrity Smack
† Chippy D aka Montana Fishburne checked into an inpatient facility The Blemish
† Lindsay Lohan: She can be quite the impressive trash model ... Agent Bedhead
† Kanye West toasts douchebags, Taylor Swift cries for the innocent! Tabloid Prodigy
† Are Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth rekindling their romance? Pop On The Pop
† Sofia Vergara opens up about her body image struggle as a teen I'm Not Obsessed
† Will.I.Am is being slammed for performing in blackface at the VMAs! Allie Is Wired
† Photos: Celebs did the red carpet thing at the MTV Video Music Awards! Yeeeeah!
† Photos of (my obsession) 'Marina and The Diamonds' at their Toronto show! OMG Blog
† David Beckham gave fans a thrill by going shirtless on the sidelines! PopSugar
† Does Lady Gaga represent 'the exhausted end of the sexual revolution'? Cele|bitchy
† A Seriously Random List: Celebrating the eight best cheerleaders in film! Pajiba
† A done deal: Jennifer Lopez will be on American Idol! In Case You Didn't Know
† An update on the recent feud between blogger Nick and Tila Tequila Celebslam
† Taylor Swift and Kanye West met backstage at the Video Music Awards Idolator
† The Veal Deal: Lady Gaga explained her meat dress to Ellen Degeneres Socialite Life
† Find out how Gerard Depardieu helped give Robert De Niro a boner! Dlisted
† Oprah gave her entire audience a trip to Australia for eight days! PopEater
† Christina Aguilera was flashing her curves (but not at the VMAs) Hollywood Tuna
† I'm going to watch Hawaii Five-O because of hottie Alex O'Loughlin! L.A. Rag Mag
† Jersey Shore star Snooki debuted her new bang hairstyle Seriously? OMG! WTF?
† Is it too soon for Lindsay Lohan to be poking fun at herself in public? Evil Beet
† Hottest guy on the VMAs red carpet: Joe Manganiello from True Blood! Oh La La
† It's totally time for hottie Christian Bale to get himself a haircut! Hollywood Rag
† Courtney Love attempted to cover Lady Gaga's Bad Romance ... Celebrity Smack
† Chippy D aka Montana Fishburne checked into an inpatient facility The Blemish
† Lindsay Lohan: She can be quite the impressive trash model ... Agent Bedhead
† Kanye West toasts douchebags, Taylor Swift cries for the innocent! Tabloid Prodigy
† Are Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth rekindling their romance? Pop On The Pop
† Sofia Vergara opens up about her body image struggle as a teen I'm Not Obsessed
† Will.I.Am is being slammed for performing in blackface at the VMAs! Allie Is Wired
† Photos: Celebs did the red carpet thing at the MTV Video Music Awards! Yeeeeah!
† Photos of (my obsession) 'Marina and The Diamonds' at their Toronto show! OMG Blog
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2010 MTV Video Music Awards (Live blogging!)
11:14 - Anyway, it's official: Kanye West is allowed to have his career back by bringing up the biggest moment in his and Taylor's careers. YAY! Hollywood! I'm going to go finish off the rest of this wine bottle for now. Other than the voices, it's been real. See you tomorrow, guys and gals!
11:10 - To cap off the show, we have Aziz Ansari delivering the most demonic laugh I have ever heard (I know what I'll be hearing in my nightmares tonight!) and Kanye West wearing a very gay suit and calling himself a douchebag. Either MTV has laxed on their censorship policies or they're just not even trying at this point. "Kanye said asshole on air? Fuck it, it's 11. Poor me a screwdriver and quit bitching."
11:05 - Cher is out and oh sweet Jesus no. I honestly don't even know where her hair ends and her outfit begins. Anyway, it's the moment we've all be waiting for: Who had the best video of the year? Like you even needed to ask, Lady Gaga wins for Bad Romance, and by the looks of it she's back to wearing raw meat. Suck it PETA! This is what you get for caring about animals. Anyway, Gaga announces the name of her next album as well as the song you'll hear at every single gay pride next year.
10:53 - There are ... people onstage. I don't know who they are, mostly because I don't care and because my roomie was talking and I couldn't hear their names. Anyway, Justin Bieber wins best new artist because of fucking course he did. I'm going to go drink until I forget I can't feel things inside. Good timing to, because here comes Linkin Park. Once again: It is now 2004. Emma Stone deserves better than this.
10:46 - Selena Gomez and Ne-Yo, ladies and gentlemen! Yeah, I don't see the connection either, but they're here to introduce B.O.B. and the single most unfortunate-looking person there tonight. Unless... Hey, is the Ho-Chi Minh Whore there tonight? HA HA! Just kidding, nobody wants her. Anyway, B.O.B.'s definition of rapping involves yelling off-beat. And as much as I make fun of Paramore's TitterTwitter, I have to admit, she has a a fantastic voice. But here's Robyn to pretty much own the entire night. Sorry everyone else, you can all go home now. You can stop trying now.
10:36 - Oh boy, the cast of Jersey Shore is onstage, and Chelsea Handler is in the hot tub with them. No Chelsea, no... Who knows? Maybe if we're lucky, when she gets out she'll drop a toaster in with them. Anyway, Sofia Vergara is here to boobies tits melons hooters jugs breasts TITTIES! ... I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me there. Anyway, Eminem wins another award for Best Hip-Hop Video. Really?
10:21 - The guys from The Social Network are here to introduce Drake and Mary J. Blige. Squee! I may hate about 90% of the people and parts of this show, but I legitimately like these two and think they're actually talented. We cool now Luke Haas? We cool. *Fist Bump*
10:12 - Taylor Swift is onstage to sing a song about getting stage-crashed by Kanye. She somehow manages to make this sound like it was happening to an eight-year-old. On the plus side, I'm willing to bet good money the girl is packing heat this time around. "Beyonce had the best video, did she? *Crowbar* Y'all just got TAYLOR'D!"
10:06 - Oh fuck yes Chuy! And now Glee is onstage while we all ponder Finn and Kurt's scrotums. The award for Best Pop Video goes to Gaga, who is dressed like The Statue Of Liberty's evil, slutty twin. Katy Perry once again can barely disguise her sheer hatred. If Gaga gets shanked tonight, I know who we'll be looking for.
9:56 - Jordan Catalano is here to introduce that song from Eat, Play, Love. While I sorely wish this movie would jump into a pile of freshly ground turds, at least she's actually singing and the song doesn't completely suck.
9:44 - Remember that scene from Godzilla where the water starts to ripple as Godzilla approaches? Well, Katy Perry and Nikki Minaj just walked onstage. Draw your own parallels. Anyway, the VMA for Best Male Video goes to Eminem for Not Afraid. Eminem isn't actually there tonight, so let's just have slut A and slut B act really awkward around each other. GENIUS!
9:40 - WATCH OUT CHRIS BROWN, THE SLUTTY BIGFOOT IS GOING TO EAT YO-oh wait, never mind, that's just Ke$ha and Tre Songz. That physically hurt me to type. See the things I do for you people? Well, Usher is back onstage, and unlike Bieber, he isn't even going to try lipsynching. To be fair, I didn't like this song when it was recorded and produced to within an inch of it's life, so I wouldn't have liked it live either.
9:33 - So halfway through his ill-advised drum solo (A FUCKING DRUM SOLO?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME HERE?!) one of the drumsticks flies out the Biebs' hand. Funny; what would Justin Bieber be doing backstage that would make his right hand slippery? Care to shed some light on this, Kim?
9:28 - Kim Kardashian is here to introduce Justin Bieber because ha ha! She sucked his dick but probably not. Prove me wrong, internet. Prove me wrong. Anyway, Justin Bieber is here to lipsynch girls into their first orgasms.
9:25 - Oh good, we get to see another Jackass clip. It's the high-five clip that got stomped into the ground by the trailer. No, we won't get sick of this soon. Anyway, the VMA for Best Rock Video goes to Jared Leto's guyliner band. This is rock? Seriously? Christ, these guys don't turn it up to 11. They barely turn it up to 3.
9:16 - Alright, so it looks like the award for Best Female Video is the first one on the block. Lady Gaga wins it for Bad Romance while Katy Perry tries to shoot laser out of her eyes. "Wonder whore powers, activate! Pew! Pew!"
9:13 - Chelsea Handler is NOT giving the Jersey Shore dickbags a break. Christ, having them there is like having Charles Manson attend his victim's funerals. Oh, and Chelsea Handler wants you to beat the shit out of Kanye West. I can get behind that.
9:07 - Oh thank you Jesus Mary and Joseph, Chelsea Handler is here to make us all forget (temporarily) just how many dicks this show sucks. Hey, if she can make Lindsay Lohan seem like a funny, competent actress for five seconds then she can save this pile of shit. Also, a bird just flew out of Chelsea Handler's box. That oughtta attract some Google viewers looking for "Chealsea Handler's box".
9:03 - Huh, I was right; it IS 2004! There is no other reason for why Eminem should be onstage. Yeah, is it wrong to think that he looked better back when he was doing massive amounts of drugs and booze? Oh, and here's Rihanna wearing... Wait, what? What is this I don't even-
8:57 - Well, Lady Gaga is here and while she doesn't literally look like a douche, she does look vaguely like a rooster, and I suddenly hunger for Corn Flakes. Alright, I'll cease my kidding here, because she's being escorted by soldiers discharged under DADT. Somehow, I don't think this is how they figured their lives would turn out when they signed up to be a part of America's greatest.
8:52 - Oh fuck me sideways, Ke$ha is here wearing a garbage bag, which is easily the most appropriate dress ever. Unless of course Lady Gaga comes dressed as a giant douche.
8:42 - So one of the hosts decided to ask The Jackass guys about an important political issue, Don't Ask Don't Tell. Instead of an opinion, they make a joke about cum. Yeah, couldn't see that one coming.
8:36 - Nikki Minaj is finally onstage, and I finally have the opportunity to figure out who exactly the eff she is ... Nope, still confused. All I know is that she's very pink and has an ass that will one day send the Earth off it's rotational axis and plummeting into the sun. Also, I'm not sure what the fuck Wil.I.Am is wearing, but is it possible to rent one for Folsom Fair? I wear a size small
8:27 - FIRST BIEBER SIGHTING! WE HAVE OUR FIRST BIEBER SIGHTING! *Drinks* I should probably explain: Every time I see Justin Bieber, I will drink. I will drink hard. Thankfully, I have the dialysis machine on standby. Oh, and Usher is here too. Weird, I didn't know it was 2004...
8:23 - The first two trophies of the night have just been given away. The first one went to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance, and the other went to Gaga's Telephone. This is getting sad. It's like awarding a gold medal to grown man because he beat a toddler in a foot race.
8:18 - So MTV, trying very hard to distract you from the fact that they've pretty much murdered the art of the music video in the face, decided to grab some girl whose every second word is like and have her ask a question to Sean Kingston while he shouts "YEAH! YEAH!" into the camera. Also, Snooki's here. Weep for the future of America.
8:10 - So Katy Perry couldn't decide whether she wanted to come as a figure skater or a ballerina, so she decided to come as some sort of Suicide Girl looking mix between the two. Also, MTV decided they wanted to take over Twitter with the hashtag #IfJustinMetGaga. The answer to that: Cthulhu would rise. Pray he eats you last.
8:05 - Oh thank GOD I've already drowned myself in wine here. Paramore is giving an interview or something, and all I can say is that these people are so much less interesting when they're not posting Twitpics of their boobies.
8:00 - Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! It's time to start the MTV VMAs liveblogging here at popbytes with your host, Jeremy Feist! How can Kanye further shit all over his reputation? Is Taylor Swift a Disney Princess? Who the fuck is Nikki Minaj? All these questions and more will be answered on the popbytes MTV Video Music Awards LiveBlog!
Please check back in when the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards start for live commentary from Popbytes' hilariously snarky writer Jeremy Feist! Plus we'll be adding in pictures of the red carpet arrivals as soon as they're available - stay tuned - it's going to be a super fun night!
11:10 - To cap off the show, we have Aziz Ansari delivering the most demonic laugh I have ever heard (I know what I'll be hearing in my nightmares tonight!) and Kanye West wearing a very gay suit and calling himself a douchebag. Either MTV has laxed on their censorship policies or they're just not even trying at this point. "Kanye said asshole on air? Fuck it, it's 11. Poor me a screwdriver and quit bitching."
11:05 - Cher is out and oh sweet Jesus no. I honestly don't even know where her hair ends and her outfit begins. Anyway, it's the moment we've all be waiting for: Who had the best video of the year? Like you even needed to ask, Lady Gaga wins for Bad Romance, and by the looks of it she's back to wearing raw meat. Suck it PETA! This is what you get for caring about animals. Anyway, Gaga announces the name of her next album as well as the song you'll hear at every single gay pride next year.
10:53 - There are ... people onstage. I don't know who they are, mostly because I don't care and because my roomie was talking and I couldn't hear their names. Anyway, Justin Bieber wins best new artist because of fucking course he did. I'm going to go drink until I forget I can't feel things inside. Good timing to, because here comes Linkin Park. Once again: It is now 2004. Emma Stone deserves better than this.
10:46 - Selena Gomez and Ne-Yo, ladies and gentlemen! Yeah, I don't see the connection either, but they're here to introduce B.O.B. and the single most unfortunate-looking person there tonight. Unless... Hey, is the Ho-Chi Minh Whore there tonight? HA HA! Just kidding, nobody wants her. Anyway, B.O.B.'s definition of rapping involves yelling off-beat. And as much as I make fun of Paramore's TitterTwitter, I have to admit, she has a a fantastic voice. But here's Robyn to pretty much own the entire night. Sorry everyone else, you can all go home now. You can stop trying now.
10:36 - Oh boy, the cast of Jersey Shore is onstage, and Chelsea Handler is in the hot tub with them. No Chelsea, no... Who knows? Maybe if we're lucky, when she gets out she'll drop a toaster in with them. Anyway, Sofia Vergara is here to boobies tits melons hooters jugs breasts TITTIES! ... I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me there. Anyway, Eminem wins another award for Best Hip-Hop Video. Really?
10:21 - The guys from The Social Network are here to introduce Drake and Mary J. Blige. Squee! I may hate about 90% of the people and parts of this show, but I legitimately like these two and think they're actually talented. We cool now Luke Haas? We cool. *Fist Bump*
10:12 - Taylor Swift is onstage to sing a song about getting stage-crashed by Kanye. She somehow manages to make this sound like it was happening to an eight-year-old. On the plus side, I'm willing to bet good money the girl is packing heat this time around. "Beyonce had the best video, did she? *Crowbar* Y'all just got TAYLOR'D!"
10:06 - Oh fuck yes Chuy! And now Glee is onstage while we all ponder Finn and Kurt's scrotums. The award for Best Pop Video goes to Gaga, who is dressed like The Statue Of Liberty's evil, slutty twin. Katy Perry once again can barely disguise her sheer hatred. If Gaga gets shanked tonight, I know who we'll be looking for.
9:56 - Jordan Catalano is here to introduce that song from Eat, Play, Love. While I sorely wish this movie would jump into a pile of freshly ground turds, at least she's actually singing and the song doesn't completely suck.
9:44 - Remember that scene from Godzilla where the water starts to ripple as Godzilla approaches? Well, Katy Perry and Nikki Minaj just walked onstage. Draw your own parallels. Anyway, the VMA for Best Male Video goes to Eminem for Not Afraid. Eminem isn't actually there tonight, so let's just have slut A and slut B act really awkward around each other. GENIUS!
9:40 - WATCH OUT CHRIS BROWN, THE SLUTTY BIGFOOT IS GOING TO EAT YO-oh wait, never mind, that's just Ke$ha and Tre Songz. That physically hurt me to type. See the things I do for you people? Well, Usher is back onstage, and unlike Bieber, he isn't even going to try lipsynching. To be fair, I didn't like this song when it was recorded and produced to within an inch of it's life, so I wouldn't have liked it live either.
9:33 - So halfway through his ill-advised drum solo (A FUCKING DRUM SOLO?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME HERE?!) one of the drumsticks flies out the Biebs' hand. Funny; what would Justin Bieber be doing backstage that would make his right hand slippery? Care to shed some light on this, Kim?
9:28 - Kim Kardashian is here to introduce Justin Bieber because ha ha! She sucked his dick but probably not. Prove me wrong, internet. Prove me wrong. Anyway, Justin Bieber is here to lipsynch girls into their first orgasms.
9:25 - Oh good, we get to see another Jackass clip. It's the high-five clip that got stomped into the ground by the trailer. No, we won't get sick of this soon. Anyway, the VMA for Best Rock Video goes to Jared Leto's guyliner band. This is rock? Seriously? Christ, these guys don't turn it up to 11. They barely turn it up to 3.
9:16 - Alright, so it looks like the award for Best Female Video is the first one on the block. Lady Gaga wins it for Bad Romance while Katy Perry tries to shoot laser out of her eyes. "Wonder whore powers, activate! Pew! Pew!"
9:13 - Chelsea Handler is NOT giving the Jersey Shore dickbags a break. Christ, having them there is like having Charles Manson attend his victim's funerals. Oh, and Chelsea Handler wants you to beat the shit out of Kanye West. I can get behind that.
9:07 - Oh thank you Jesus Mary and Joseph, Chelsea Handler is here to make us all forget (temporarily) just how many dicks this show sucks. Hey, if she can make Lindsay Lohan seem like a funny, competent actress for five seconds then she can save this pile of shit. Also, a bird just flew out of Chelsea Handler's box. That oughtta attract some Google viewers looking for "Chealsea Handler's box".
9:03 - Huh, I was right; it IS 2004! There is no other reason for why Eminem should be onstage. Yeah, is it wrong to think that he looked better back when he was doing massive amounts of drugs and booze? Oh, and here's Rihanna wearing... Wait, what? What is this I don't even-
8:57 - Well, Lady Gaga is here and while she doesn't literally look like a douche, she does look vaguely like a rooster, and I suddenly hunger for Corn Flakes. Alright, I'll cease my kidding here, because she's being escorted by soldiers discharged under DADT. Somehow, I don't think this is how they figured their lives would turn out when they signed up to be a part of America's greatest.
8:52 - Oh fuck me sideways, Ke$ha is here wearing a garbage bag, which is easily the most appropriate dress ever. Unless of course Lady Gaga comes dressed as a giant douche.
8:42 - So one of the hosts decided to ask The Jackass guys about an important political issue, Don't Ask Don't Tell. Instead of an opinion, they make a joke about cum. Yeah, couldn't see that one coming.
8:36 - Nikki Minaj is finally onstage, and I finally have the opportunity to figure out who exactly the eff she is ... Nope, still confused. All I know is that she's very pink and has an ass that will one day send the Earth off it's rotational axis and plummeting into the sun. Also, I'm not sure what the fuck Wil.I.Am is wearing, but is it possible to rent one for Folsom Fair? I wear a size small
8:27 - FIRST BIEBER SIGHTING! WE HAVE OUR FIRST BIEBER SIGHTING! *Drinks* I should probably explain: Every time I see Justin Bieber, I will drink. I will drink hard. Thankfully, I have the dialysis machine on standby. Oh, and Usher is here too. Weird, I didn't know it was 2004...
8:23 - The first two trophies of the night have just been given away. The first one went to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance, and the other went to Gaga's Telephone. This is getting sad. It's like awarding a gold medal to grown man because he beat a toddler in a foot race.
8:18 - So MTV, trying very hard to distract you from the fact that they've pretty much murdered the art of the music video in the face, decided to grab some girl whose every second word is like and have her ask a question to Sean Kingston while he shouts "YEAH! YEAH!" into the camera. Also, Snooki's here. Weep for the future of America.
8:10 - So Katy Perry couldn't decide whether she wanted to come as a figure skater or a ballerina, so she decided to come as some sort of Suicide Girl looking mix between the two. Also, MTV decided they wanted to take over Twitter with the hashtag #IfJustinMetGaga. The answer to that: Cthulhu would rise. Pray he eats you last.
8:05 - Oh thank GOD I've already drowned myself in wine here. Paramore is giving an interview or something, and all I can say is that these people are so much less interesting when they're not posting Twitpics of their boobies.
8:00 - Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! It's time to start the MTV VMAs liveblogging here at popbytes with your host, Jeremy Feist! How can Kanye further shit all over his reputation? Is Taylor Swift a Disney Princess? Who the fuck is Nikki Minaj? All these questions and more will be answered on the popbytes MTV Video Music Awards LiveBlog!
Please check back in when the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards start for live commentary from Popbytes' hilariously snarky writer Jeremy Feist! Plus we'll be adding in pictures of the red carpet arrivals as soon as they're available - stay tuned - it's going to be a super fun night!
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